The popular saying of “You do not really know someone until you travel with them” is quite true. This is why many couples go on road trips together before deciding to get married. It is impossible to maintain any sort of falsehoods that you may have during extended travel. My husband and I have traveled to all sorts of remote areas of the world. The saying is true. You are missing out on a big part of your partner’s personality until you have your living conditions or safety compromised.
Before your trip, I recommend you spend some time discussing your pet-peeves and expectations. Learning them on the road is a waste of time and can lead to hard feelings. Here are some things I wish we would have worked through before heading out the first time:
The Order of Things
The biggest challenge that we have during travel is order. My husband is highly organized and very minimalist. I am in the process of working on my clutter. This can cause a lot of unnecessary stress if not discussed early on and with open dialogue.I thought that using the chair and desk for my things was a common practice. Unpacking my items and putting them in the dresser never crossed my mind. My disorganization was driving him crazy. On the flip side, it was stressing me out with his constant organizing and spending time putting things away. Let’s get out and see the world and unpack later! Over time, I have learned to appreciate the organization. When your temporary home has clutter, that creates unnecessary stress for everyone.
To keep organized in my own way, I bought myself a hanging packing cube set. Everything stays neat and organized. Packing is easier. He is in a better mood and the time in the room is much more enjoyable. I am also able to find things much easier so it is a win for me as well.
Eating
Our second biggest challenge is food. We have very different eating habits and they are noticeable when traveling. I do not eat meat or gluten. Meat makes me ill and gluten makes me bloated.
My husband’s favorite thing to eat anywhere is a baguette with ham. We will be walking around any city and both starving. He sees a sandwich shop (they seem to pop up when he is hungry) and inevitably that is what he will want to eat. Most sandwich shops in America will usually have a salad for me, but in Europe it is not always the case.
So, I will have a choice – make a fuss and have us both mad because we are hangry, or have a darn sandwich. I have eaten a ton of mozzarella sandwiches across Europe.
Perspective of Time
Another thing to consider is how you both perceive time. If a flight is boarding at 5pm, I would get there at 5pm. My husband would like to be the first to stand in the line and arrive at the gate at 4:30. So, I line up with him and then go to the bathroom, buy stuff from the shops etc., and meet him back in line. It drives him crazy.
If we have dinner reservations at 8pm, I feel we should arrive at 8pm. My husband likes to get there early, have drinks at the bar and mingle. On the road this conflict creates tension. His perspective is: we are in a foreign place, lots could go wrong. My perspective is: so what?
We have learned to work around this by coming up with a schedule before hand. We agree on what time we want to arrive, how much time to get there, and then agree on a “leave time”. That has helped us so much because that “how much time to get there” is very different for each of us.
Personal Space Invaded
Then there are the basic hygiene factors to consider. In our first trip to Paris, the hotel booked us a single rather than a double. A single room is only for one person. It has a twin bed and is so tiny. We were there for a holiday weekend and the hotel was completely sold out.
It was early in our relationship and we thought it would be romantic to share a tiny room, so we went with what they gave us. I had not considered how well we were going to get to know each other using that tiny room. The bathroom was closet sized where you could shower while sitting on the toilet. That also meant the toilet was 3 feet away from the bed.
How was this going to work?? He also had the same concerns and would leave me to get ready and wait in the lobby and I the same for him. This started a thing we do now of giving each other privacy of the room. I highly recommend it.
We seem to work better if we each have our space and not rushed by the other person. While we are over modesty issues, giving each other space to prepare the day is a sign of respect.
Have a Plan
Traveling with a partner, spouse, or anyone else for that matter can be tough. Consider your differences before the trip, and work on plans around them to reduce the stress. Yet, it is those little nuggets that you had no idea about that you must handle as they happen.
It is also good to remember to tell your partner what is bothering you before it becomes an issue. Plan on things bothering you and have a plan on how to handle it.
And to quote my favorite priest: When things get stressful have a nap. You will make everyone happy.
Below are pictures of places we called home for a few nights.
You have to sleep like this in the jungle. Bugs, animals, etc.This was our hotel room in Canaima. That was it.This is a hotel.